so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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