She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
soo... how was my night?
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