I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
