hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
