Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
