Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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