You're completely useless in the revolution.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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