I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
