you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
