if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
