I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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