Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
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You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
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The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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