Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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