I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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