I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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