Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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