I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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