apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
