Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
