i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
