Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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