yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize