In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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