She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
