So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
