so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
As shirtless as possible
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
