u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
