If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
