i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
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I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
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Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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