apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
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Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
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the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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