Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
