worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i think i have two assholes
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
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I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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