my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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