I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We don't watch enough power rangers
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
