So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
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If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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