Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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