i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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