did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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