We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
splinters make it hard to masturbate
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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