I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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