I think my fart just growled at me.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
