I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
