There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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