I'm going to jail i love you
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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