You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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