and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
