well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
