Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
