I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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