Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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