Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize