i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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