"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i barfeds in our rink
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
