Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
