Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
