But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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