Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
