Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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