Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
