I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
