her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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