Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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