So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
