I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
