Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
