My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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