What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
you never un-have a 4some
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
