Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
being pregnant is like rehab
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
