I cockslap morals
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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