I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
