Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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