I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
